I was reading over my prayer journal earlier this week and one year ago was so different then today. I mean, obviously. I’ve had two damaged disc since I was 17, probably from my years of drill team and being rear ended in a car accident. My L4 and L5 disc are bulging. They offered to put a rod in my back, but at 17, I wanted to be able to touch my toes. I never really had any problems since I was 17, until the January after I got married in 2009. Before this past Christmas the last two Christmases I gained enough weight during the holidays to throw of my core balance and jack my back up in January. Although I am not as thin or as far as I would like to be in the weight loss goals, I know that I passed January for the first time in three years without back pain.
Last February 7th, my 84 year old grandma was assisting me in walking into a doctor’s office because I could barely walk. For almost a month, every single time I stood up, pain would shoot up and down my body and almost take me to my knees and a a few times it did. Sitting hurt, standing hurt, walking hurt, laying down hurt. I got depressed. I got real depressed. Plus it was really cold outside and I hate being cold. And I was new to Fort Worth and I had no friends here. I was on Christmas break from my last semester of school and Tim worked all day. So I just sat around cold, depressed, in pain, not walking and ate. Food, lots of it.
Sometimes I get so caught up in today, I forget how far I’ve come.
So much changed during those days I just sat in my chair in pain, dreading having to go to the restroom because I knew the pain of walking there, sitting down and getting right back up. But during that time, so much changed. For the first time in years, I started writing in my prayer journal. I felt like it was all I could do. During those weeks, so much hope was born. My heart was renewed and my back was healed.
For over a month, Tim would rub my back for almost an hour every night. Talk about commitment. Anytime I tell anyone that, they are blown away that my husband would do that for me night after night. But my back had gone through so many spasms that my right side had drawn up so much that I was twisted. My right side was hard as a rock and it could only be rubbed out. Pretty sure he was only doing it because he didn’t want to spend money on my getting a massage everyday… 🙂 God knew what kind of man I would need to marry.
During this time, we were in the process of looking for a church in Fort Worth. It was almost embarrassing because I could barely sit or stand. It is odd for a 26 year old to move like an old person. Although last year was seriously one of the hardest times of my life, I look back and I’m glad for it. I’m glad I went through it. I’m in a much better place today. I’m closer to God, I spend time with Him, unlike before. I know I have an amazing husband that is my rock. We found a church home and are blessed with friends in Fort Worth. I don’t think God caused my back to go out, but I know he used it for my good.
But what started this whole post is that a year ago, the idea of Salt and Sequins was born. Through my time each morning, I wrote about maybe starting a blog. That nagging feeling never went away. I felt that I was supposed to start writing, which is funny, I hate writing. My grammar is horrible, I’m sure you’ve noticed, so forgive me! But my forte is art, not language. I don’t really know where Salt and Sequins is going. I will continue to write, do crafts and such. I just hope you will share it and pass it on. I know that a year ago was hard and today is much better. So I’m looking forward to what the next year brings. Where will I be at in February of 2013?
(Sidenote: There is something about grammar and English in general that people proficient in it think everyone should be, yet other talents and gifts in life are viewed as an individual talent and not expected for the masses. I don’t expect everyone to have an eye for art. Just saying, I know it would be best for everyone to be awesome at grammar, but let’s be honest, not everyone can be! Okay, I’m off my soapbox.)