Words in a Drawer-01

Four months ago, Tim and I came home from a meeting and scribbled a few things in a drawer. Prayers. Hope.

When we moved to California, we knew it would test our faith. Being away from family for the first time, we knew it would be difficult. On that June night we were struggling. We are still today. Days pass, things get a little tighter. But in the midst of it all, in the midnight hour, I still praise God. I praise God that he brought us here, that he trusted us enough to call us to more, that he loves me enough to want more for my life. I know through this refining period, I will come out better than before.

He called us out of our comfort zone, he called us to be greater, better. Our marriage is different. It’s better, stronger. This past year has brought us to the brinks. We’ve wanted to quit our marriage, we’ve wanted to pack up and go back, we’ve wanted to walk away from church. Seriously, this past year, we’ve been put through the ringer. I can’t express how much has changed in my life, my heart, my mind since I scribbled those words on that drawer just four short months ago, since I stepped out in faith, completely trusting the Lord. Completely trusting that he knew better for me than I did for myself.

Almost everything in the drawer has been answered in one way or another, except for finances. One of the most difficult areas of anyone’s life. But I still thank God. He is my provider.

‘Healing for my Back’
I’ve had issues since I was 17. That’s 12 years. There are times that I can barely walk, the muscles spasms and the pain are too great. Shortly after I wrote ‘Healing for my Back,’ two days later, I found a Chiropractor that for the first time ever made some huge changes in my back. What usually took at least two months, tons of pain and tears to get over, took only weeks with him. Now, four month later, I am healed. I’m not constantly struggling with my back and I work out harder now then I have in my entire life.

‘My Health & Body Image’
Well, if you’ve been following anything about my life, you’ll know that this area of my life has drastically changed lately. It was 5 days after I wrote these words in that drawer. Five. Five days later I reached out to someone on INSTAGRAM…. do you hear me? INSTAGRAM and it changed my life. Since July 5th, I’ve lost over 15 pounds. Talk about an answer to prayer. Have I lost all my weight? Heck no. But my body image has been transformed. I’ve never felt so good in my own skin in my entire life… Seriously.

‘Direction, Visions & Resouces for my Fitness/Ministry Career’
I was a fraud. I was a Pilates instructor who couldn’t get a handle on my own weight. How could I help others if I couldn’t help myself? I was so ashamed. I wanted to do more through Pilates, but felt like such a sham. Since that day, through what I have achieved in my own life, I’ve gotten to pour into other people’s lives. How amazing is that? I get to be a part of other people’s health and fitness journey, just like someone was a part of my journey. Another answered prayer.

‘To Walk Closer to the Lord’
Of course this is a daily thing. Always seeking him, wanting more. But like I said, wow, the difference is astounding. When Tim and I started T25, we committed to it daily. We also committed to spending time every morning praying together and reading the Word. It has changed everything. It’s not that we weren’t reading/praying together before, but with becoming committed to health, we committed to spiritual health too and they have both increased drastically since those words were written in that drawer.

Writing those letters in the drawer, although powerful is not what made those things happen. It’s not because ‘I put it out there in the universe,’ and I’m sorry if that offends you. I don’t believe in sending good vibes. I believe in God. The God. A God that answers prayers. Not a universe. I believe in the creator of it. Take that “mother earth.”

Those words written in that drawer, were answered because we believed God would come through for us and he did. He continues to daily. Does that make it easy? Sadly, not for me. I’m hard headed I guess, because although I see what he has done in the last four months, I struggle believing he will come through for me now… But he will, because he always does. Maybe not the way I want him too, but he always does.