I had this huge realization this weekend about risk. Woah, I’m actually taking way too much credit. I went to church and the guy preached about it. So…. I took the info, thought about it and now I’m writing about it.
In most people’s eyes, Tim and I have taken a pretty huge risk. In our eyes, we have taken a huge risk! We moved away from friends and family, from living in one of the most affordable states to embark on a journey where we sold half of what we owned, the home we had fixed up, quit our jobs, to live in a 3rd bedroom apartment in one of the most expensive counties in the country, Orange County. After all we have done in the last year, we feel like we are the masters of risk.
But there is something I’ve not been willing to take risk in. But we will talk about that later. When I finally took risk in my health, I saw huge change. Part of me was okay with being plump, okay fat. I got to eat whatever I wanted, never a care in the world, Chick-fil-A, okay?!?! Chips and queso? Okay! I had complete freedom to eat whatever and whenever I wanted, but I was also very heavy. So I stayed in my comfort zone and ate my happy little butt off. For so long, I wasn’t willing to take a risk, to reach out and when I did, everything changed for me. Everything. I was comfortable with not having to be uncomfortable and change that area of my life. Plain and simple, I wasn’t living to my full potential. Now, I spend everyday getting to be a part of other’s people’s health journey. How cool is that? So I could have stayed the same and been happy or taken the risk that came with pain and started this amazing journey that I’m now on.
And what the preacher said on Sunday is that you can be amazing and doing exactly what you are called to do, but if you aren’t pushing yourself or taking risk, you aren’t living to your full potential. Ouch. You might be doing exactly what you are called to do, but just not doing it to your full potential. You’ve gotten comfortable. You might be meeting everyone’s needs for what they need from you, but you aren’t reaching your own need for more.
For me, I’ve protected our happiness. I’m happy with my life, our marriage, the way things are. So why change anything? Why mess it up? I don’t want another dog, the dog I have is the best (you know it!) I don’t want any children, they would just mess everything up. My life is perfect as is, so there is no need to change it. And when you think about it, we do this with everything. The way it is, is good enough. And that is how I felt about so much! Yes, we are risk takers on one hand…. Tim got the job in California on Monday night at 5:30pm and we were on the road on Thursday at 11am. But on the other hand, I’m not willing to leave my dang comfort zone. But when he said,
You want to live a risk free life, so you put your happiness in a bubble, not wanting to change anything, you also BLOCK OUT any new happiness.
Woah, I’m all about new and happiness. How have I not thought about that?!?!
With new risk, comes heartache, let me tell you. I’ve learned more about myself in the last six months in California, then I had the past 28 years. But with new risk, comes new loves. Without the heartache, the money struggles, I would have never had this growth, without the risk.
And I realize there are areas that I’ve totally settling in! Areas that I was fine with where I was at. And hear me on this. I’m not pregnant, nor are we trying yet. And please, for my sanity, don’t make a comment about how I should or you’ll never be ready. But I know that in this area of my life, I just have never been willing to take the risk of having children. I’m still not 100% sure. But I do know, by trying to protect my happiness and avoid the risk of having children, I’m also keeping out any new joys. I don’t know if any women relate to me, because I honestly feel like the only one. Even Tim asked me if I would say I don’t want children for the response and rise I get out of people. Sadly no. If you know me, I am probably obsessed with your children. I love kids, they love me…. But I can’t say I have that huge desire to be pregnant, to have a child, because I LOVE THE WAY THINGS ARE. I ask myself, who would ever willingly give this life up? I don’t know if I would ever choose to. Honestly. But now, I think about by protecting my happiness, by not taking risk, I’m missing out on other happiness. Maybe greater happiness.
Sometimes the things that need to change aren’t always bad, they aren’t always obvious. It’s just things that if we did change, it would open up brand new opportunities, a life we never knew possible.
In honor of Thanksgiving and being thankful. I’m thankful that we took the risk and that You are showing me areas of my life that I still need to take risk in, that I’m called to be more, do more and give more than I could have imagined for myself.