I’ve seen that quote, “I remember the days I prayed for what I have today.” Well that was me today.
A year ago, we weren’t going to church. I told God, if you want us to go to church, then you can fix Etta. Etta wouldn’t stay in church. She would cry, week after week. And actually, it was a meltdown. And we did this dance for months, like more than six months. We got the call to pick her up, every single Sunday. And it got old. The looks from people that my kid always cried, got old. People didn’t know my name, they would just talk to me about how my kid always cried. Say things like, just keep trying Mama. Like how many tries is this gonna take? I’m tired and I’m kind of feeling resentful towards her.
The meltdowns, oh the meltdowns. She would cry almost everyday for 45 minutes straight. I remember googling, ‘How many meltdowns is normal?” You know what the answer is. 1-2 a week. We were having 1-2 a day! A day people!!!!!!
I couldn’t leave Etta with anyone. I was desperate. I wanted and needed a break from Etta, so when I took her to her two year appointment last Summer, I asked to get her checked out. Mostly because I wanted to be able to leave her at Mother’s Day Out. Seriously. It was 90% of the driving force. I wanted time away from her.
So we went for the evaluation and found out that not only did she have Sensory Processing Disorder, but she was severe. Ouch. There is nothing fun about finding out your child has a disorder. To know that your child’s normal, isn’t most people’s normal. It’s hard.
Soon after her diagnosis, I had also just found out that a Mother’s Day Out in our area had room for Etta. THANK GOD! Because this mama needed a break like a year ago. They called to give me the good news and I discussed with the director that Etta had just been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. Good news, she was familiar with it. But…. then proceeded to tell me, that Etta wasn’t a good fit and that they couldn’t cater to her.
So we took the dive and started therapy. It was completely out of pocket and we met our deductible two weeks before the end of the year. So it was expensive. And honestly, hard to do. Looking back, I can’t believe we almost didn’t do it.
But now, a year later…. so much has changed. Today was the answer to prayers I prayed a year and half ago. Etta started Mother’s Day Out. She walked right in, didn’t even look back, just waved and yelled, “bye, wuv you.”
Having a child conquer something. To have grown tremendously this last year. Our lives have been turned upside down in the last twelve months. I would dare say they’ve been the worst of my entire life. There is hardly something that hasn’t been turned over, completely wrecked. The nights I have cried over Etta, over my family, over the heartbreak. But this…. it’s still hard to have a special needs child. But today, today was a victory. And today I celebrate this cutie. She rocked her first day.
It’s hard to think that God’s answer to your prayer is going to be the hardest year of your life. It wasn’t an instant answer like we hope. He didn’t change Etta over night. But He had been putting things in motion for a long time. He answered my prayer, just not how I wanted Him to.